Written by Valerie Sue
Today, my mind and my heart are in battle. Who will win? It's too early to tell.
Since the age of 4, I have spent at least 10 months of the year in school or some form of higher education/training. That is 25 years (and counting) of non-stop learning. 25 years of being formally trained to teach mind to reason and rationalize. 25 years of problem-solving, whether that be simple math, algebra, calculus or the key maneuvers necessary to save the life of my patient on the OR table. For 25 years, I have depended on my mind to utilize previous lessons and lectures to come to the correct solution. During that time frame, I have come to rely on my mind, to get the job done. It's not always right and the outcome is not always great, but 9 times out of 10, my mind will get me across the finish line.
In that same regard, I was born into a Christian household and raised in the church. So one can say that my heart has had the same rigorous training as moly mind, but for 29 years. For 29 years, my heart has been steered toward a path of righteousness. From a young age, I was quoting scripture with no issues. "Trust in the Lord..." "The Lord is my Shepard..." "Seek ye first..." In my heart, I know without a doubt, that my life is solely a product of God's grace and mercy. No doubts, no questions asked.
You may ask, then why are my 2 most inner beings at battle? Proverbs 3:5-6 says "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path." Trust = my heart and "own understanding" = my mind. Now you see the dilemma?
My heart wants me to walk in faith, relying fully on Christ. My mind wants me to rationalize and plan out my future with every detail marked in place.
This isn't the first battle between the two. Sometimes my heart wins and on those days, my entire being is encompassed in the peace of God that cannot be explained with words. My shoulders are light and there is a joy that radiates through every kilometer of my body. On other days, my mind wins. In those cases, my days are fraught with anxiety and worry.
If that's the case, one may ask, why not just let your heart win? Oh how I wish it was that easy. Shutting off the mind (in a healthy manner) takes great work, but gets easier with time. Alcohol, drugs, food, even sleep are easy solutions, but all are only bring temporary content....tried that and it's not worth it. With writing and through meditation on the Word I have come to realize, that the battle and war have already been won by Jesus Christ. He has already claimed the victory and wants you to have it as well, all you have to do, is lay your burdens down at His feet.