"A thousand times I've failed
Still Your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
I'm caught in Your grace"
I'm a mess. A hot mess I might add.
I don't say this because it's the new cool thing to say. I say it because it's true. As I have grown in Him, my eyes have been opened to my brokenness. As I have grown in Him, He has shown me how I have hidden behind this "good" girl mask. He has exposed me to myself. With all that He knows about me, He loves me still.
Growing up in the church, it's easy to grow numb to the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus. I guess when you have spent so much of your life "trying" to be good, it's easy to go through life thinking you are doing okay. It's easy to gloss over the price He paid for us. A few years ago when I started going to a Hebrew Bible Study, I saw Jesus with a new set of eyes. My emotions were uncontrollable. As I studied scripture and dug deeper, so many things came alive in my heart.
In all of my habits, hangups and issues. God is with me? In all the ways that I am selfish, God loves me? When I go astray and want to do things my own way, He still shows compassion for me? That He already knows the sin I will commit in the future and YET He died anyway? What? I spent so much of my life trying to earn His love. Wanting to get in right standing with Him. Wanting to look the part. And He broke (and He still is) all that faulty thinking.
His love is something that we may not be fully be able to explain and that's okay. I encourage you to spend time reflecting on His life. May this not just be another "Easter" weekend. I pray your eyes will be opened to the depth of His love for you. Hot mess and all.
As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our flesh[a] and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature deserving of wrath. But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus.For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Ephesians 2:1-10
In Awe of the One who gave it all,