I heard somewhere that “our reactions show where we need refining.” I heard it years ago and I’ve held onto it ever since. When I first wrote a blog last December about giving God my year, I had no clue what that would mean for me personally. I had no clue that there were still things I have been suppressing that God was waiting for me to surrender everything, so that He could expose me to myself.
No one ever wants to admit they are jealous, envious or bitter until they are. Often, we hear messages about cutting off jealous people out of our lives, until we are the thing we hate. I raise my hands and say, God exposed that in my heart. I love cheerleading and supporting my people. When people would talk about being jealous of friends or coveting in the past, I honestly couldn’t understand. Live long enough and life has a way of showing you what is really in your heart. There have been some recent events in my life that opened the door to jealousy, envy and an inferiority complex. I tried hard to suppress them because I didn’t want to believe that was lurking in my heart. I didn’t want to face that, until it became overwhelming. Often when we sense something in our hearts, we can overlook it, look around it, or suppress. In relation to someone else and having ill feelings of jealousy, we can look for reasons to justify what is going on in our hearts. We might even try to find something bad about that person, in order for ourselves to feel better. Honestly, that has been me. I may not have said anything out loud, but my heart and actions spoke for itself. I think that our jealousy can show up in several ways albeit loud or silent. For me it was very silent, but I found myself withholding love from said individuals. Which led me to think things that were not even true. In other words, I was holding others people silently hostage to something that I needed to face myself. When I would see new things happening to others around me, or even new people coming into the lives of people I loved, those feelings of inferiority, jealousy and envy came over me like a flood. Those triggers of feeling like I would replaced began to resurface. Sad to admit, but it’s the truth. It’s a deep wound that often I find hard to express, but I hope my words will bless you.
When it comes to an inner battle, it is so important that we don’t make other people responsible for how we feel. As adults, the onus is not on other people, we have to take responsibility for our struggle and get the counsel that we need. Instead of suppressing those feelings, I allowed God to show me the root. He took it all the way back to situations from childhood and beyond. What was my root? Rejection and abandonment. I know what it means to have a close friendship and they leave you for someone they think is better or “cooler.” I know what it means to be looked over and looked down on. I know what it means to be an option or “second best.” As much as I thought I was beyond those things, it did a number to my soul. God whispered to my heart, the very thing that you are holding onto, is the very thing that will cause destruction in any relationship/connection that you enter in. To be honest, I know what it means to self-sabotage a good thing. On the flip side, I know what it means to do the same thing that has been done to me. In other words, we can do to others the same things that have been done to us, if we don’t let Him heal us. What I love about God is that He doesn’t shame us. Rather, He shines a light on our issues, so that He can heal it. If we let him, that is. There is freedom when we bring things into the light. It takes the edge off of what is holding us bound (the enemy moves in darkness, people).
Jealousy is a thing. The next time you find yourself jealous about something or someone, don’t settle for being bitter. Allow God to show you the root, in order for the healing to begin. Facing ourselves isn’t easy, but there is so much beauty when we do.
1. Expose it - The first step in healing is admittance. Admit that you are jealous and who you are jealous of.
2. Take Responsibility – No one is responsible for your feelings. While people may have attributed to the wound (please don’t feel shame for that), we must take responsibility for our feelings and actions for our healing journey.
3. Seek Counsel – I am a proponent of wise counsel (mentors), accountability and counseling. Often we treat the symptoms, but we don’t get to the root. Example, jealousy is a symptom of a deeper issue. In my situation, the root was past rejection and abandonment. Often, our low view of God can also be an issue.